Best Gift Ever!
by Leaping Lion
Summary: What does every Hogwarts Professor want for Christmas? Socks, Tattoos, and Crayons Gallore! Featuring: Filius Flitwick Disclaimer: I do not Own Harry Potter and Ect.
1. Albus gets whats he wants

Title: **Best Gift Ever!**  
Category: Books » Harry Potter  
Author: Leaping Lion  
Rating: Fiction Rated: K+  
Genre: Humor  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Albus Dumbledore sighed as he walked into his personal room in Hogwarts.

Christmas day again. The tree he has placed in the corner was covered in presents from people who knew and didn't know. Ever year he got sweets, books, more sweets, and sometimes the occasional love letter.

Yes…That sneaky McGonagall and her confessions of love….

This morning he felt so dreadful about opening his presents. He didn't want more sweets or more books! He wanted one thing, but he never got it. He even went so far as to write to the muggle "Santa Claus" last year; that turned out to be a failure too.

He opened his cards first, as he traditionally did. Anything to delay the opening of his presents. The letters all contained the normal 'Thank you for defeating…blah blah' he normally stopped paying attention at the 'Thank You's these days.

Albus finished up his cards and desperately looked around for another card to read. Anything! He's even take a card from Voldemort before opening this year's presents.

Aha! Albus crawled around to the back of the tree and pulled out a small square box that had the last card taped to the top. The card had a cute little butterfly on the top and the gift it was attached to was wrapped in a light kitten print wrapping paper.

"Odd…I have never received a present in this fashion before." Albus shrugged and proceeded to open the small card with the butterfly on it...

_Dear Headmaster,_

_Every year you complain about not getting what you want for Christmas._

_Enjoy._

He looked at the present in his hands oddly before throwing the card over his head and ripping the paper from the box.

La Gasp

Albus' eyes widened as he realized what was in this oddly wrapped box. He reached in and pulled out the item and the twinkle in his eyes grew to epic proportions. A twitch on his lips grew to a grin and he suddenly started to crackle manically. He threw his hands up in the air and continued to laugh for hours to come.

-----

The Next morning all the professors of Hogwarts sat in the great Hall. They talked in hushed tones about how Albus Dumbledore had not come down the morning before and many were worried. Albus was always depressed on Christmas Morning and the days after it till the students came back to school. When they did come back he would suddenly snap back into his cheerful self.

It was really creepy.

Suddenly the doors to the great Hall burst open and Albus Dumbledore walked through them with what had to be the happiest face they had ever seen him have. He walked up to the Head table and sat down in the large middle chair.

He grinned at them all before calling up a house elf to bring the best wine they had to the table.

All the professors gasped and looked at Albus in surprise.

Wine? Sure they had had Champagne and awhile ago that random bottle of brandy… That was a great Christmas they remembered fondly…

But back to the matter at Hand!

"What has you all grinning like a Madman today Albus? I haven't seen you this happy in…Well Frankly, I've never seen you this happy." Minerva said finally, after getting a hold of herself.

"I received the best Christmas Gift I have ever had the luck to get!" Albus poured himself a glass of the wine and then proceeded to pour Minerva and Severus glasses as well.

"Oh yes, do tell. Was it the Dark Lords head on a Spike?" Severus drew out as he watched Albus pour him the wine.

"No! Even Better!!"

"His Heart?"

"I GOT SOCKS FOR CHIRSTMAS!"

-----

Hehe, hello again! I know I haven't been updating my other stories but I just HAD to write this. Maybe if I get more inspiration I'll write what the other professors got as well

Anyway, I do hope you enjoy this as much as I did!


	2. Severus Loves

Title: **Best Gift Ever!**  
Category: Books » Harry Potter  
Author: Leaping Lion  
Rating: Fiction Rated: K+  
Genre: Humor  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Severus Stomped back into his room and threw his cloak on one of the green couches. As he walked into his room he stopped and looked back at his semi-new cloak.

The cloak had been a gift from Lucius himself. It wasn't like his old cloak though; this one didn't billow like his old one. This one…billowed all wrong. So he had to resort to drastic measures…Charming his cloak.

It wasn't that bad in the early days he had used the charm. Now it never stopped billowing!

Damn that 'Self-Billow' Charm.

Severus threw one of the empty picture frames that hung on his wall at the billowing cloak and grinned when it suddenly stopped billowing

Severus – 1

Cloak – 0

Severus turned around and walked into his room. He looked around and nodded his head when he noted everything was in their proper places.

Wait.

Severus looked toward his bed and noted the bow that was lying innocently there. Next to the box was an innocent card with…was that a Butterfly?

He scowled and walked toward his bed intent on throwing the box out the window. He stopped suddenly when he wondered what it could be.

Could it be a prank from Albus or possibly Minerva?

Could it be a plain box with a curse on it that would turn him into something that had red or gold?

Severus shook his head and sat on his bed next to the box. He snatched the card up and opened it.

_Dear Snape,_

_How I know is unimportant, just be glad I didn't die on my mission to obtain these._

_Oh and nice 'Self-Billow' Charm._

He sat there shocked for a moment and then proceeded to shred the small card into microscopic pieces.

Severus looked back at the box and reached for it before stopped, looking at it with interest. Whatever was in it was obviously something he would find interesting.

On the downside though…it could be some sort of blackmail.

That reminded him of that one year his Aunt sent him something for Christmas.

It was Pink.

It also had lace.

He never opened another present from her again. He didn't dare.

Severus suddenly snarled and pounced on the box and ripped it open.

To say he was shocked at the contents was an understatement

---

Minerva walked down the hall toward Severus' room with a bounce in her step. She was giving out her 'Thank you' cards for this Christmas and he was the last one on her list.

She didn't particularly care for his gift, but it was the thought that counted…Right?

"Oh god, So Soft…" She stopped outside his door and her eyes widened at what she heard.

"This…is heavenly!" She heard the low moan after and gasped. What was he doing!? What was going on?!

"Severus! What is going on in there!? I demand to know!" She heard nothing until she heard another moan and then a shuffle.

Without another hesitation, she threw the door open and what she saw was horrific.

Severus Snape sat on his bed and sighed in content as he took another bite of the warm, soft, heavenly cookie in his hands.

"Molly Weasely bakes the BEST Cookies. "

---

Totally didn't expect that did ya! I read a lot of stories that say Mrs. Weasley is a great cook. I just had to make this.

Minerva's next


	3. Minerva has some fun

Title: **Best Gift Ever!**  
Category: Books » Harry Potter  
Author: Leaping Lion  
Rating: Fiction Rated: K+  
Genre: Humor  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Minerva McGonagall made her way to her room slowly. The scene she had just seen in Severus room made her shiver.

He liked….Molly's Cookies? How…When…What was the word coming too! Next thing they knew Voldemort would be prancing around showing them with hand-picked flowers! Minerva froze and quickly knocked her fist on a nearby piece of wood. [1

Muggle Superstition or not, She wasn't about to take a chance.

She stood in front of her room door and pushed it open cautiously, another shock would probably kill her.

Nothing. Thank God.

Minerva walked in and flopped down on her coach and let out a huge sigh of relief. Maybe if she was lucky she would be able to rid her mind of the Severus Image.

She opened and closed her eyes several times till she suddenly noticed the small card hanging from her ceiling. It had an arrow pointing toward her room with a cute smiley face on it. She quirked her head and then raised an eyebrow to it.

Minerva then rolled her eyes and got up, walking to her room. Nothing could be as horrible as what she had seen moments ago.

Opening the door, she cast a lighting spell and her room lit up like a light bulb. She could see every corner and every crevasse in her room. Just like she wanted.

On her bed was a round wrapped object with a card on it.

Ooh! Cute! Butterfly! Minerva rushed over and lifted the card to read.

_Dear Minerva,_

_What would someone like you want on this lovely Christmas?_

_Do play safe._

She looked at the card with an annoyed look. She hated Riddles…was this a riddle though? Who cared. She dropped the card to the floor and tore into the present.

Little did she know…what waited inside would change her day forever…

---

Filius Flitwick walked down his hallway with authority… or as much authority as someone his size could. Sure, this wasn't technically his hallway; but all the other hallways were claimed by Ghosts and Paintings.

Damned Dumbledore for buying his classroom during that one "Hogwarts Monopoly" game he had been forced to play last year. He managed to lose both his classroom and his staircase. Was a damned nice staircase too…

Filius suddenly stopped when he eyed an innocently placed ball of green yarn lying on the floor of HIS hallway.

Well…he'd just have to confiscate this wouldn't he? As he leaned down to pick up the ball of yarn he was attacked from behind and slammed to the ground.

His scream echoed all of Hogwarts.

---

The other professors ran with all their speed to where they had guessed the weirdest girly scream ever heard had originated from.

When they arrived on the scene they all had to struggle not to fall over in laughter.

Filius Flitwick was wrapped in yarn on the ground and an innocent cat that looked oddly familiar was playing with a ball of green yarn.

As Severus walked down the hallway he had to gasp and take a few steps back.

There was Minerva, in her animagus form, playing with a ball of GREEN yarn. Oh the blackmail possibilities…

"Minerva! What is all that is Slytherin are you doing!?!" Severus managed to say as he stepped closer to see Filius Flitwick struggling against his yarn bonds.

He watched as Minerva switched into her human form, but continued to play with the yarn.

Before he moved to turn around and stalk off to sulk he heard something from her that made him fall to the floor in laughter…

"Pretty Kitty likes Yarn…"

---

Enjoy!

Kupo: Of course! My 'Self-Billowing' charm, is your 'Self-Billowing' Charm.

Emily: Now if I told you, it would ruin the fun =P You'll find out in future chapters.

Wingnutdawn: Thank you, I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters as well.

Professor Sprout is next on my list!

1- There is a superstition where when you say something that could be worse than what has already happened you're so post to knock on a piece of wood and you won't have a chance of what you say happening.


	4. Pomona is entertained

Title: **Best Gift Ever!**  
Category: Books » Harry Potter  
Author: Leaping Lion  
Rating: Fiction Rated: K+  
Genre: Humor  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Pomona Sprout let out a cry as she noticed the slight brown color of her plants in the greenhouse. She had cared for them day after day and yet they continued to defy her wish for them to stay green!

She'd tried everything she could think of.

From feeding the plants more…

…To Dressing up like a plant to convince them green was good.

Nothing seemed to work though.

As if sensing her emotional state, the plants seemed to wilt even more! Pomona freaked and set to running around her greenhouse in attempts to fix the problems.

Water here.

Plant food there.

She started to slow down and then dropped to the floor and threw he gloves on the floor. She was never goanna win the "Most Green Greenhouse" award this year if her plants kept dying on her!!

"Why! Why are you all against me?!" She screamed into the greenhouse and then fell onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

Suddenly, a thought.

Pomona jumped up, ran toward her cabinets, and pulled out a bottle in a paper bag. She grinned evilly before turning on her plants.

"If this doesn't fix them, nothing will…" She then proceeded to drip the liquid into the pots.

She screamed in anger as the plants did nothing. She threw off the paper bag and chugged the bottle of Firewhiskey.

An hour later, she was as drunk as …well a drunken person I guess.

Pomona sighed and looked around at her plants.

Wait….what in all that is green…was that?!

Right next to her unused pots was a tiny box with a card. On the card was this funky looking Butterfly, which looked even weirder on the card due to her drunken state. The card fascinated her to no end. Then she opened it…

_My Dearest Pomona ,_

_May these bring you good fortune._

_By the way, Firewhiskey is very bad for you._

Swaggering over to the box, she picked it up gently and looked at it from every angle.

What a weird little thing… Then she opened the box.

---

Madam Hooch, Professor Sinistra, and Headmaster Dumbledore slowly followed the trail of dirt that littered the hallway. It was Filius' old hallway, Dumbledore imagined it was the little squirts way of getting back at him for that monopoly game.

Suddenly the dirt trailed ended and Dumbledore looked up.

All of them gasped.

All over the walls were lines of every colour. They swirled here and there. Zigg Zagged left and right. There was even a few drawings thrown in for good fun,

They heard a horribly evil laughter coming from around the corner. Madam Hooch pulled a broomstick out of nowhere and threw herself flat against a wall. She motioned them to keep quiet and then went 'James Bond' on them.

She crept silently toward the corner and looked left and right before she jumped out and screamed "Ah Ha!" and then beat the person on the head with the broomstick.

Professor Sinistra and Headmaster Dumbledore walked around the corner and stared at Pomona Sprout sitting on the floor with a box of Muggle Crayons in her hands. She had the colour Orange out and was drawing an ugly house on the wall. All the crayons in the box were almost gone, with barley any of the crayons left.

The only colour not used was Green. Why?

"Pomona, I am disappointed in you. To tag all over the walls of Hogwarts, why it's simply not done!" Professor Sinistra spouted and looked at Madam Hooch. "Why you needed to hit her over the head with a broomstick, I haven't the faintest."

Madam Hooch just shrugged her shoulders and kneeled down to Pomona's level. "Pomona, are you drunk again?"

Pomona Sprout giggled and then went back to drawing her little orange house.

---

The next day several official looking people came into Pomona Sprouts personal greenhouse.

They all inspected the plants and then proceeded to award Pomona Sprout "Most Green Greenhouse".

Little did they know, that the 'green' plants were actually Emerald Green Crayon.

---

Woot Woot, for chapter 4 done.

Next will be dearest Filius Flitwick.


	5. Filius gets revenge

Title: **Best Gift Ever!**  
Category: Books » Harry Potter  
Author: Leaping Lion  
Rating: Fiction Rated: K+  
Genre: Humor  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

Filius Flitwick sat dumbstruck in his room. He stared at his bed in surprise.

_Dear Filius,_

_Due to your unfortunate height I am please to inform you this will add feet to you._

_Quite literally._

There on his bed laid something he had dreamed of since he was but a lad. These would help him extract the revenge he had planned for Dumbledore

Yes…Revenge...

---

Click

Click

Click

Albus Dumbledore sat in his office. He had a Lemon drop inches from his mouth, but a disturbing 'clicking' noise kept interrupting him.

Suddenly, the noise stopped.

Albus got up from his set and walked toward his door. He heard a slight giggling as he opened it.

_Splash!_

Albus stood in his doorway and was drenched to the bone. His robes, and his hat…and his hair were now deep blue.

Ravenclaw Blue.

Damned that Filius!

He soon realized that his doorway was quite tall… and he would have noticed if any magic had been used around his door.

He had an accomplice! He knew it!

But who among his staff held a grudge against him… Well who, with the exception of Severus, held a grudge against him?

He just didn't understand it. Albus shrugged and walked back into his office, it was lunch soon and he would find the culprit sooner or later.

Looking at his robes…he hoped sooner.

--

Severus stared in wonder at the show that was Filius.

"What are you doing?" Severus asked.

"Pranking Dumbledork."

"Why?"

"…he took my hallway."

"Oh..." Severus looked down the hallway and then shrugged.

"You won't tell?"

"I never saw anything."

Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall walked down the hall. Minerva watched Albus for any signs of insanity. He was still covered in blue paint, which he still hadn't explained about.

"Albus, should I even ask?"

"No."

Minerva just nodded slowly and continued to walk. Suddenly Albus stopped walking and stared at something on the ground.

"I knew it!" Albus suddenly exclaimed and walked toward the object. The object was a small blue hat covered in stars. "Its Filius' hat!!" Albus let out a hearty laugh and walked toward it.

"Albus are you so sure you should be touch-"Minerva felt her jaw drop and Albus was suddenly turned into a raven…a blue raven.

A maniacal chuckle resounded the hallway and out of the shadows stepped a very tall Filius

A Filius on wooden stilts.

"I have finally outwitted you Albus! I have regained my honor from losing my hallway!! The staircase will be next! Just you-WAH"

Aurora Sinistra walked upon the scene to see Filius hanging onto one of the hallway drapes with pieces of wood lying under him, a blue raven, and a dumbstruck Minerva.

"I so don't wanna know." The she turned around and walked back toward the Great Hall.

Albus sat in his seat in the great hall with Filius...as well as Minerva, Severus, and Pomona.

"There is someone behind all this." Albus started in his lecture voice.

"Yes Albus, Filius has been pranking you for the past few…hours. This meeting is useless!" Severus exclaimed

"Severus! How dare you rat me out! I thought we had an understanding!" Filius jumped up on his seat and tried to jump across the table to attack. He was caught halfway by Pomona.

"No! Not the pranking, I'll get you back for that later. I'm talking about the mysterious presents that seem to be…our deepest desires."

"Don't worry Albus, I'm sure we will find this…present giver before he strikes again!"

--

Heh, just in time for the 7th book to come out. Here I am…trying to fill up my time before I go waste 4-5 hours of my life waiting for the book in the bookstore. Then spend the next day locked in my room reading away at the dang thing.

BTW. This story is before the 7th book came out. I have my reasons.


End file.
